Plot Synopsis: Picard, Ensign Ro, Guinan, and Keiko are regressed physiologically to the age of twelve by a transporter accident. When rogue Ferengi hijack the Enterprise the young crew members, along with Alexander Rozhenko, lead the revolt. Because that’s not ridiculous at all.
Plot A and B Analysis: The teaser lets us know how much pain we’re in for. Picard, Ro, Guinan and Keiko are on a shuttle returning to the Enterprise, and pass through a ‘could-it-be-more-generic’ plot device. Before the shuttle is destroyed they are transported to the ship, but they arrive as 12-yr olds. Picard gives up command, Ro pouts because she’s a kid, Guinan loves it, Keiko has to deal with being an actual child bride. Plot A is intertwined with plot B, the stupid Ferengi, and the child coup d’état. In the 23rd minute the Klingons randomly attack, only they are piloted by Ferengi (how did that happen?), who easily overpower the Enterprise crew *rolls eyes* and commandeer the ship. The kids–now including Alexander–are the only ones who can take it back, and that’s what they do. After an interminable amount of time this episode mercifully ends.
Favorite Scenes: Really? *grumble* For some reason the final scene with the young Ro and adult Guinan wasn’t bad. That’s it.
Use of Cast/Characters: Patrick Stewart must have loved this episode, because he got paid and didn’t have to do any acting. It’s the character of Picard that gets embarrassed this episode. In Ménage à Troi it was reciting Shakespeare to Lwaxana, in this one he throws a tantrum. There is some slight character development as we return to Picard’s interest in archaeology, which will come into play later this season. Riker has to deal with the Ferengi and has a role to play in helping the children. Most everyone else has less than five minutes of screen time: Worf loses a phaser fight to a Ferengi, Data does nothing to help, Geordi has a role to play in figuring out what the anomaly is, O’Brien has a scene with his child bride and at the transporter, Troi discusses with Picard his options as a 12-yr old. Beverly gets maybe the most, actively involved in figuring out how to reverse the de-aging effect. The child guest stars are alright, the Ferengi are alright, but who cares?
Blu Ray Version: The special effects guys reconstructed the graphics for the children’s computer, and corrected the incorrect proportions of the Enterprise from the original episode.
Nitpicks: Where do I begin? How about with how old Keiko’s daughter is? She was born last year, now she’s played by a 4-year old; that’s a fast-growing kid! When the Enterprise is under attack by two Klingon ships in the 23rd minute, is it me or does Riker do way too much talking and getting reports when he should be fighting? We get off one shot, that’s it. Later, Worf can’t shoot straight and gets his butt handed to him by a Ferengi. Speaking of Ferengi, how did they get a hold of two Klingon Birds of Prey?
Overall Impression: Everything about this episode sucks. Do we want to see the characters as children? No. Do we believe they would be able to retake the ship? No. Do we want to see Ferengi? No. Do we ever want to see Ferengi? No. They are just as bad here as in Ménage à Troi, and this episode is as bad as that one. Is this episode dramatic or action-packed? No. Is this episode fun or funny? No. Is this episode remotely realistic? No. I rate this episode 1 out of 5 stars, at best.
Behind the Scenes/Trivia: This episode is exactly 75% of the way through the series, episode-wise. We do learn that Guinan’s father is 700 years old, so extrapolate from that how old Guinan might be. The actor who played young Picard is the same actor who played his nephew back in Family. The director of this episode, Adam Nimoy, is Leonard Nimoy’s son. He will direct one other episode, Timescape, which is infinitely better than this one. As for the RVN that Doctor Crusher mentioned, there’s no such thing; it was totally made up by Ron Moore, the chief architect of this whole bad experience. This is the last episode we see Miles O’Brien in until the series finale, and we never see Keiko again as they both go to DS9. Worf gets his butt kicked a lot on TNG, as this episode typifies. I’ve often wondered when he was approached to act in DS9, during contract negotiations did he stipulate that he had to win fights for a change? He is a lord of battle on DS9, he never loses. FYI, the Ferengi only appear in a total of 14 episodes of TNG, just 14. They’re not all bad, but aren’t most of them?
Missable/Unmissable? In the name of all that’s holy, don’t watch this episode. The next one is about seven orders of magnitude better.